SECRET LONGINGS OF LUPIN Corny title, but HEY!
by The Absynth Fairy
Summary: Lupin reveals his feelings about Sirius, but coul;d Sirius understand? (SLASH WARNING!)


Author: The Absynth Fairy  
  
*Note* SLASH WARNING!!!!! THOSE WHO ARE NO COMFORTABLE WITH HOMOSEXUALITY OR EXPLICIT LANGUAGE SHOULD NOT READ THIS FIC.  
  
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. This is not for profit, and shall rightfully remain so! These characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and THAT shall remain so as well.  
  
FORBIDDEN  
  
Part I  
  
No matter how much I have ever tried to hide it, I know now that I will always love Sirius. I acknowledge that now and nothing can change that.  
  
It's a fixation I've had since I met him. I remember his dazzling eyes and that shiny dark hair that fell rather limply into his smooth pale face. I remember his charm and wit and slight carelessness. I loved it; it made me weak in the knees.  
  
I tried to deny it most of the time, but it never worked. I thought of him night and day. How beautiful he was. I remember how increasingly difficult to talk to him, to look into his beautiful eyes, to watch him smile and to hear his silvery, deep-throated laugh. He drove me mad sometimes. Whenever he and James and I were alone together, I had to avert my attention to something other than Sirius, or burry my blushing face in a book whenever Sirius said something funny. And Sirius, of all people, had noticed this behavior. He'd seek me out in the corridors between classes, force my book out of my face, and demand why I was acting so abnormal. He even went as far as to corner me in the Gryffindor common room, put his arm around me, and ask me more questions. I was so red in the face that I forced my self to wrench free from his grip and run off into the dormitories.  
  
Understand that by then Sirius, James and Peter knew of my being a werewolf and we went on our nocturnal adventures every full moon together, thanks to their ability to turn into animals. Sirius was the most beautiful black dog I'd ever seen. And I can't deny that once or twice I've tried to. er. "mate" with him. but it never worked. He merely saw me rise up on my hind legs behind him, gave me a questioning look, and then padded off with James and Peter.  
  
Things got very fortunate for me though. It happened near the end of the year. Sirius and I were studying in the common room while the rest of the school was out watching a Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. Sirius and I would have given anything to watch James catch the Snitch, but we were stuck inside due to make-up exams. Anyway, Sirius and I were studying when I dropped my quill under the table. I crawled under the table to fetch my quill right when Sirius did. My hand shot out for it when it met Sirius'. I almost yelped when Sirius' hand fell on top of mine and I pulled it away, cradling it in my other hand in disbelief. Sirius retrieved my quill and stared at me, a frown appeared between his eyebrows.  
  
"Are you okay, Remus?" "Er-no. I mean, um. Yes, I'm fine." I said, trying to retrieve my calm and sanity.  
  
His frown deepened and he suddenly crawled towards me. My panic increased when he grabbed my hand, which I'd still been cradling, and looked deep into my eyes. I could have died right there; I didn't, but I wanted to. "Are you sure you're okay, Remus? You've been acting stage lately and I know it's not anywhere near the full moon. What's up?"  
  
I didn't answer. I just merely sat there, trembling. He moved closer until our faces were only an inch apart. I longed to kiss him. I waited for it breathlessly. But he only smiled and leaned closer to me, pressing his lips to my ear. I was utterly frozen.  
  
"Is this why you're acting so strange?" He asked again, his lips moved to my cheek as he spoke, sending paralyzing shivers throughout my whole body. "Is there something that we both should know?" His lips moved onto mine as he spoke. "Remus, I like you. I really do." His lips brushed temptingly against mine as he spoke. I loved being this close to him, being warmed by the mist of his hot breath against my lips. He gave a little moan and I felt the delicious press of his hand on the back of my head as his mouth finally closed over mine.  
I closed my eyes gratefully, happy that I couldn't escape his warming touch. I sank onto the stone hearth beneath him in front of the fire. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he enfolded me in his and kissed me deeper and deeper until I wasn't myself anymore; I was his. I held fast to him as his lips grew hotter on mine and the rhythm quickened. I pressed my mouth harder to his and savored the small dip of his tongue into me when he suddenly broke away. I'd fallen weak and limp under him and was numbed and vibrating from the warmth and sweetness of his lips.  
  
I looked up and saw that he was standing over me, smiling, and he held out his hand in my direction. I took it and he helped me to my feet. I felt his fingers lightly tracing the palm of my hand. Then he leaned close to me and kissed me again, smiling. "Let's move to the couch. The hearth must make your back ache."  
  
My heart gave a gleeful jump. He held my own hand confidently and tightly in his own as he led me to the couch. I sat down and he did the same, his arm closed tightly around my shoulders. Again, he leaned over and pressed his quivering lips to mine. My stomach gave a jolt when his mouth closed over mine again, hungry and hot. His left hand caressed my cheek while his other fingers ran spider-like over my shoulders. I ran my hand through his silky dark hair and placed my other arm around his waist, savoring the quick but deliberate dip of his tongue into me before, to my slight displeasure, he broke away. Then his lips came to mine again to press some hungry, feathery, half formed kisses. My lips quivered with anticipation until finally he locked his lips to mine again. Once more I allowed my self to sink into whatever could support me beneath Sirius. I almost simultaneously spread my legs and my knees ran against his hips. Finally, I felt his cool tongue not dip, but plunge into my mouth and stay there nestled against mine. I almost cried out when he had broken away and was kissing my throat rather hungrily. He was unbuttoning the collar of my robes when somebody walked into the common room.  
  
I looked up and realized James was standing only a few feet away from us, his eyes as wide as galleons. Sirius lifted his head from my neck and stared up at him, mouth gaping just a little. James' glasses slid rather carelessly from the bridge of his nose, becoming crooked.  
  
All that could be forced from James' lips was, "Uh." He took a deep breath.  
  
"Hi. guys."  
  
Sirius scrambled up from on top of me and smiled rather nervously.  
  
"Um. How did the Quidditch game go?"  
  
James replaced his glasses, which had completely fallen off, and coughed. "That's not the game I'm interested at the moment, Sirius, Remus."  
  
I blushed. "Uhm. James, It's not what you think." Sirius gave a feverish nod. "Yeah. um. Mouth-to-mouth. Uhm. He. he." "What he's trying to say," I said, smoothing back my hair, which Sirius had mussed while he kissed me. ""Is. uhm. I fainted. and. Sirius had to." "Give him mouth-to-mouth." Said Sirius, nodding. "Yeah, that's what happened."  
  
James looked to the ground, processing what we had just said. "Okay," He said, running a trembling hand through his hair. "I'm going to bed." And with those final words, He sped up the staircase and into the dormitories. 


End file.
